I got a message the other day from the Tom Brown’s school. A confirmation, for a class this summer. These classes always excite me but I also felt a familiar drop in my stomach, the fear and anxiety associated with tracker. These are old feelings. Not a fear of pain loss or grief, but a fear of intimidation, identity loss and insecurity. Everyone has felt this to some degree and if you don’t know what I am talking about, you haven’t turned down the sheet on your hearts bed.
It is the feeling in the cliche of a small pond/big fish. In our day to day lives, we are the experts at whatever you are an expert on. Everyone is a master of something. It is part of what makes each of us essential to this time and place. It is doubt of being necessary that sparks fear and uncertainty, doubt when we enter a bigger pond with many fish the same size as us.
However, these are young fears, borne of inexperience and untried skills. Each time I go to tracker school they slowly melt away as the community develops its collective energy. The older we get the quicker we realize that we only compete with ourselves, we know only as much as we are willing to ask and we gain only that which we are willing and open to share. The small pond is really just an illusion bubble, we are all beautiful fish.