I got out of my truck and began to walk across the parking garage toward the ER where I work. It was a cold winter night. The rain had just stopped but the wind made stray rain drops cut across the air and sting your skin as they hit. The walk though the garage into the organized chaos of my job is a time out of time for me. I try to center, focus, say a prayer, shed negative emotions and breathe. A momentary touch of eternity.
This evening, I step down from my truck and take my backpack and lock the door and think of my family. I find I am smitten with my family. I realize that I am totally head over heels in sucker love for my family. I think of where they are and what they are doing and I feel the distance between us, mere miles creating a real longing and palpable pain in my body. It would seem obvious. The holiday has just ended. I always miss them more after a visit. After several days I get to spend with my wife and daughter, the first night back to work is the hardest as the pull to orbit may still be the strongest. But as my other family has just had or annual or biannual time together, the sound of the silence once they are gone is loudest and the void of their empty chairs the most difficult guest. I would have things differently.
I would have our family closer in distance. I want to see their faces everyday. Indeed I am a private person and I don’t suddenly forget my requirement for frequent alone time and inner quiet. But I am reminded tonight how smitten I am with my own blood and that of my wife’s blood too. I would not leave them as much as I do if I could. I can feel them all individual. I want to see my sister again and her photographer, I would have them at our house when I get off work tomorrow morning. I want to see the face of my brother and hear the cries of his family as I approach the door, keys in hand. I see my in-laws somewhat frequently but mostly that frequency only further strengthens the pull to be close again. My parents too and elders, my aunts and uncles and cousins and all relations. And my own flesh, my own wife and child, I feel the most physically separated from them as soon as I close the door on the house and say goodnight to go to work or train. Missing even the next few hours of bedtime and the quiet relaxation with my wife that often follows, such a good thing as that I cannot find the words to point toward them. Feeling just a shadow of the love and affection that the Creator must feel for her Creation.
Often I have thoughts as to what could be a solutions for the salvation of Man. Sometimes I feel it is a greater, more deeper understanding of Earth that might prevent our own destruction. I wonder if a closer relationship with Spirit would help our collective consciousness pull back from the brink of the abyss we seem determined to plummet over. What force, what direction can we as a species adopt that might change our shared path?
Tonight, I think it is family. I hope that each person can feel the sense of belonging and love that I feel from and for my family. I hope that we each see one another for the brother or sister that we are and treat one another with that bond in mind. I have heard poets and profits speak of the disintegration of the fabric that holds us together as a people. That fabric must be the family and the love that we share within our guts, in our belly’s just below the naval. The place we all relate to one another. The garage walk though tonight is to share the love for family with every stranger, and a prayer of thanksgiving for the wonderful family I am abundantly proud to be a part of.