This Autumn feels different. Like when you walk into a room known very well and begin to see the walls and angles from a different vantage. And you can’t say just how or where, but things look different. Perspective has shifted and the light and shadow play a game of new rules.
I am not hallucinating.
The Autumn comes. The leaves shake off their glam. The very air dries up and becomes crisp and sharp. The shadows lengthen and the sun stays lower in the sky to see us face to face.
I usually get tired come cold weather. The early afternoon sun shines in my eyes and gives me headaches. I fall victim to the trick, always thinking time is later than it is. I want to sleep early at night, late in morning and catch as many naps as I can trap the time to. Something within hears the signal of Autumn and Winter aslo coming, then begins to change within as well. Some internal point of reference changes orientation with the turn of the seasons.
Most of my life, I assumed this was because I am part Black Bear. Hibernating always sounded like a great idea, a vacation, a wise strategy. I granted myself a certain nap-time for my attentions. I would allow myself to check out, to withdraw some emotional awareness or regard. I have hibernated in many ways, many years. And then, change again on my birthday in march, or Easter.
But this Fall feels different. I can felt the season shift. I have been raking the leaves often. Hibernation won’t visit me this year. I am called to stay awake. Pay full attention and watch carefully the actions of the world as we unfold.
I had a dream I tended a fire in my fireplace. I stayed up all night and the fire blazed. I will not lose my sleep this Winter, that is for sure. But I am not withdrawing. My attention is engaged. I feel very awake. And aware.